Phillip+Song's+SoC+paragraph

He ran to the basketball court as soon as she was dismissed from class. He seemed to be extremely obsessed with playing basketball. His height was tall as the rim, including his leg sand arms. He runs, spins, jumps, and shoots at the basket. “What a move! Swish! Nice dunk!” The other students were amazed by his basketball skills. He constantly made three pointers and never missed a single basket. He felt pretty good and proud of himself. “Where you from?” One of the student asked. “I am from Seoul,” said Phillip.

Comments: Sam. L The story of playing you playing basketball was a cool topic to write about. Even though the ending seems to be pretty sudden, the story flowed well, and I think you have understood the concept of stream of consciousness very well. Good paragraph!

Mingoo's comment: You should fix she to he in your first sentence. The story seems to finish abruptly but it shows that you have understood how to write in the third person point of view. Nice story. Good job overall!

Edward Cho's comment: The story seems to be very clear and I would like to give you credit for the clear plot of the story. However, it doesn't seem to have a clear ending. This seems very incomplete and short in some way. Overall good job.

Jenice: I like how you included dialouges eventhough it was about stream of consciousness. I think it really improved the understadning of how much the player is good at basketball and how much the other players were amazed by his skills. However, I think you could've done better if you fixed your grammer and spelling mistakes because it was sometimes hard to understand what you were trying to say. Other tha that, nice job!