Jay+Park+Stream+of+Consciousness

Stream of Consciousness

It was one queer sight for her. She had been teaching for many years, and in different countries too, but this, this was something Ms.Jacob never witnessed before. The explanation of Katherine Anne Porter halted for a brief moment and she gazed upon the horizon of wooden desks to find a boy rubbing another's back. Her students who have been attentively listening and watching the screen became confused, paused, and followed the eyes of the teacher. The class bursts out in laughter and she accompanies them in sheer awkwardness. Dying to know what was going on, she had to question. What are you two doing in class?. "He had a backache so..." boy number two attempts to redeem his slightly lost sense of dignity. Oh boy, was that a weird little moment for me that day.

Soobin - Your paragraph is hilarious! I liked your choice of vocabulary and the paragraph is easy to understand. For example, the word "queer" clearly emphasizes the character's thoughts on the sight of the two boys. I think your paragraph would be better if you added details about how the teacher felt when the students shifted their attention to the two boys. Other than that, well done! :)

Rachel: I liked your paragraph because I remember what happened in last class. You did a good job portraying your feelings using stream of consciousness. Your sentences flow well, just as your thoughts would flow in your own mind. Adding quotes was a good idea because it makes your paragraph seem more professional. I think if you explained the situation in more detail, your paragraph would have been better. I think the the readers would know what is going on better if you add more details.

Daniel - hahahahahhahahhahahahahahhaha I remember this. Because I remember this, I like this story. It shows how awkward you must have felt that day. Also, your word choice and sentence fluency are good. I can easily imagine what were going on in Ms. Jacob's and your mind. I am quite confused though, at the end because it suddenly shifted to a second person point of view. It was 'boy number two' before...

Sylvia- Funny, nice story. It was an interesting moment in class. You did a good job showing your feelings but it could of been better if you had added Ms. Jacobs thought. :)

Yoonji Reem - Its a really good story. I like how you made your storyline funny but understandable at the same time.