Sejin+Paik's+SoC+Paragraph

The day is Wednesday-- two days have passed, two days are left until another typical weekend approaches. But this week is different. It is the second to last week until the Advanced Placement tests begin. Everyone is frantically trying to cram in information and accomplish as much they can. What is she doing? She's doing the same. However, there is something that she has to deal with everyday; her id and ego. It is either to stay up and study or to sleep early and study the next day. After she comes back home from another long day of school, she gets a bite to eat and decides if she should take a nap or start on her homework. This early stage of napping or starting work makes a huge difference in what she'll do in the later hours. When she chooses to sleep, it is the evil id that took over her. Sometimes, her superego balances out the sleep and work, but most of the time, she fails to follow her ego. As the clock ticks 12 AM, she is looking at her computer, contemplating to herself if she should keep studying or not. She has her books open and she is all ready to go, but a couple steps away, her bed is pulling her to sleep. What does she do? Does she give up those several hours to the sleep she most dearly wants? Or should she fight it and stay up? And if she does decide to work, there are still many obstacles to overcome. Trench holes such as instant messaging or opening up a youtube video breaks the "wall of concentration" that she's built. When that happens, it hard to build it up again. She seems to be losing her mind these days and she cannot organize the thoughts in her mind clearly. Drinking caffeine late at night and using all sorts of methods to stay up brings definite side-effects till the next day that make her go through the hard process all over again. Once she can start to defeat her id, she will learn to adapt to studying continuously until late at night, however, if she isn't careful and gets trapped in the things she wants at the moment, negative results will happen and it just won't be pretty.

- Positive: Wow, I agree to this so much Sejin. I really like how you were being specific about both sides of a person struggling whether or not the the person should stay up to study or to just sleep and study the next day. I was in this dilemma yesterday as well and I feel like the 'she' is me. Good job! - Negative: It would have been nice if you emphasized more on the part about drinking caffeine's and stuff because it adds on more of what 'she' actually thinks in the inside considering the two struggles she has everyday. Other than that, I really like this. I would 'like' it if it was on your facebook page, haha.
 * JiYoon's Comments To Seji**

__**Priscilla; Positive + Constructive Criticism.**__ The way you explained it really makes it seem as though "she" was talking in first person. Being very detailed and descriptive of her dilemma has the reader following along. I understand why you may have wanted to use id and ego, but it felt a bit pointless. The idea overall was good, but the sentences where you would explain which side is the evil id, etc didn't seem as relevant.