Kristie+Lee+SoC+Paragraph

She heard the alarm clock pointing at 6:30 ringing, piercing through the thick blanket covering her face up, but pretended that she did not hear anything. It was way too cold outside. As she was about to fall back asleep, she heard her mother screaming at her. “Don’t even think of missing the bus today because I won’t drop you off this time!” She ignored her mother until her voice slowly waned away. She heard the school bell ringing along with the morning announcements. “Students who are planning to join the habitat club next year, please pick up your forms in Mr. Joo’s office...........” She wondered why they could not just hand the forms out themselves. Amy closed her eyes again, trying to sleep again. Right when she was about to doze off, she felt someone tapping her in the shoulder. It was Jenny, her younger sister. Jenny waved at her, but Amy ignored her. She was way too lazy to say anything back to her. One thing about her sister was that she is too friendly at times. The room was filled with silence for a moment. Amy believed that no one would bother her again. As soon as she thought so in her mind, she felt something warm and soft near her left arm. It was her dog, Bambi. A dog that had ran away from her when she was in 6th grade was now in her room, sniffing in her face and scratching the door to get out. “Why, I haven’t seen you in such a long time!” As she was about to grab Bambi in her hands, it opened the door and ran out just like it did six years ago. Knowing that she won’t be able to find it again, she sighed deeply, then pulled her blanket all the way up to her head once again.

- Positive: Hey, I love your paragraph and loved it just when I started reading it because that's how I started my day as well. I really like how you were very specific about 'her' typical school life. It was also interesting to specifically read about your life- your emotions are portrayed well. Good job! Oh, and I love your ending. Sad, but love it. - Negative: It would have been better if you organized the time change more significantly because I was confused when you were back at home talking to Bambi. Other than that, good paragraph!
 * JiYoon's Comments To Cherry**

Yunjin Kim Positive: I think that your usage of time and organization was interesting, it was just like the foreshadows going back and forth just like the earlier short story we had read during class. Even though the main idea and situation of this topic was very ordinary, this actually helped trigger an emotion that the audience could relate to.

Negative: Although the story was a very connecting and relevant issue, I think you could have expressed more emotions, bringing out an immediate response from yourself. Just work on your SoC thoughts and sort it out, trying to bring out the conscious thoughts you have! Good writing :)

Jin Kwon: - I like the specific details that were used in the paragraph, I could envision the scene as if I were there myself. I'm quite familiar with the characters in the paragraph and I feel that maybe this is why I feel quite comfortable reading this paragraph. One thing I advise is just incase a person who doesn't know Mr. Joo, Amy, or Jenny, reads this, you might want to have specific descriptions that introduce these characters slightly so that the readers get a better sense of the characters and the types of emotions they frequently display. However overall, very nice job.

Amy:) +I like the fact that you used me < as your character! I think this paragraph really shows her(Amy's) daily life in details and also her emotions and thoughts. I like the ending too! - It was a little bit confusing in time changes and the flow of time in your writing, but overall I liked it!:)

SangHeon Cha Positive: I like the detail story line which most students would agree with. I also like how you connect the story specifically to KIS.

Negative: I felt a transition is needed when the scene changed from the bedroom to school in order to make the story smoother.