The+Failed+Science+Project,+Jason+Park

=The Failed Science Project - Jason Park's Creation Myth=



A long, long time ago, before the dawn of time on our world, there lived titans who inhabited another dimension. These titans were not so much different from us humans, for these two particular titans had a science project due in two weeks. Big Ears and Thick Skull were asked to create a unique substance. After procrastinating until the last possible minute, Big Ears and Thick Skull were panicking.

“Oh my higher being! What do we do now, Thick Skull?” exclaimed Big Ears “Durrrrrrrr,” drooled Thick Skull.

Thick Skull’s titan saliva dribbled unto the floor. Thus the first signs of freshwater existed in our world.

“That’s just disgusting, mate,” Big Ears sighed, “I swear, if I don’t get this A my dad’s gonna kill me... And I’m just sixteen hundred years old...!” Big Ears started to tear. He was a bit effeminate.

As Big Ears’ tears fell to the ground, our first saltwater oceans began to form.

“Dur! Dur! Durrrr!” Thick Skull looked down on the ground. The combination of his drool and Big Ears’ tears flooded the land with a nasty mixture of bodily fluids. Of course, the microbes that were living inside the titans were now mixed in with the crude sea. Since titans are huge compared to us humans, these microbes became the first sea creatures.

“My word, Thick Skull! God must have been smiling from next door!” Big Ears was ecstatic. Maybe they would get an A after all, he thought. “Be right back, Thicky, I’m gonna go ask around for some more ideas.”

“Dur... Dur-kay.” Thick Skull was proud that his friend trusts him with their awesome discovery. A few minutes later, Thick Skull prepared a name tag for this makeshift project. He started spelling Big Ears, but only managed to write down EAR. Lost, he continued with his own name. TH- suddenly, Thick Skull stared into the vast puddle of bodily fluids. He saw the dolphins of our world doing flips, the fish swimming in schools, and the magnificent jellyfish minding their own business. However, he saw something else in the mass of water. It was his own reflection, but he didn’t know that.

“Durrr?! Dahhhhh!!” Thick Skull was worried that this being would destroy their project, and promptly began stomping on the fluids. Many aquatic life met their doom to Thick Skull’s foot. After a good few minutes of stomping, Thick Skull’s giant sandal (made of sand) dissolved in the sea, and breached the surface of the mixture. Thus our first land masses were formed. The fungus growing on his foot became the plants of our world. Obviously disappointed with the loss of his footwear, he stomped with his other foot. Knowing that the only way to survive this second attack was to escape to the land, the sea animals quickly evolved and moved onto the sandy surface.

By the time Big Ears came back, the surface dwellers of their experiment evolved into the dinosaurs we know and love. Big Ears was in disbelief. He stared at Thick Skull, who was whistling nonchalantly.

“ARGH!” Big Ears suddenly had a fit of rage, and punched the now-green surface of the world. The huge impact wiped out most of the reptilian wildlife, sparing the mammals that were living underground.

“Dur...” Thick Skull was apologizing.

“That’s it, I give up,” shouted Big Ears. “Let’s just do a titan volcano like everyone else.”

“Dur-kay,” Thick Skull was happy that Big Ears was forgiving. He left the name tag on top of their ex-project. It said: “This project was made by Ear ... Th-” however the only thing legible was “Earth”. This was how our planet got a name.

A few millennia later, humans came into existence. Unable to view the titan’s dimension, the creation of their planet was a complete mystery. But the truth is that our life and our world was nothing more than a failed science project.