Alice+Ah+SoC+Paragraph

= __The Last Adventure__ = Kate opened her eyes. She was standing in the darkness, with nothing in close sight. Was this a dream? As Kate stood in the middle of the big, deep pit of black darkness, a light lit up and showed her location. She was standing on a gray path that was separated into two ways. One of them was twisted, having its sideways shaped as a zig-zag, appearing as if no one bothered to walk across it for the past twenty years but it gave her a sense of protection and a strong urge that she should take the path but, it was not the type she would take. The other one was straight, clean, but it gave her the aura that it was not the route she was suppose to take. The route seemed to be distant, and unclear, telling her as if that was not the path she should take at this moment. Kate panicked and looked around her to see if there was another route behind her but there weren't any. She hated this situation and wanted to avoid it but it was inevitable. Kate set up her mind; honestly, her decision was already made when she observed the two routes that lied in front of her. She has never taken a rough, undecided path in her life and that was what she was going to do right now as well. As she stepped forward, she started to think about her life, remembering how she despised herself for her cowardliness and wished for an exciting, wild adventure in life. Maybe this was a chance God gave, giving her the last chance to finally take an adventure in life. After all, Kate was a teenager who will have no more opportunities left for her in the future. She turned around, and headed straight to the curvy, unprotected route. As she walked, she felt a sense of satisfaction and pride that she had made the right choice. Finally, Kate stopped walking as she reached a door. It was a big, iron door that looked stiff and tight, as if it would never be open. She laid her hands on the door when suddenly her mother woke her up. "Kate, wake up! You need to go to school!" Kate opened her eyes and looked around. She was in her room, lying on her bed. The door, the gray path were all gone. Kate sat and thought for a moment and smiled. She had made the right choice and did not regret of her last and final adventure.

__**Priscilla; Positive + Constructive Criticism.**__ The story overall was interesting, and the use of a dream and coming back to reality was a nice concept to use. Using a familiar emotion and expressing what some teenagers desire was also a nice idea to reach your readers. There were some awkward phrases that hindered the overall flow of the story. I also noticed that some of the words you chose to use didn't express the situations, emotions, purpose of what you were trying to get at. Also, it would have enhanced your story if you made more references to what she was feeling physically. You tended to just explain her physical situation, and not elaborate.

Sejin Paik: The thing that I liked most about your story is that you used a lot of description words that brought out the image of what you were trying to convey. I also found that you used many dialogues that gave an even deeper insight to what "Kate" is thinking. This is a great story that many of us, as teenagers can relate to, and I like it a lot. One thing I would have to point out is that if had more analysis rather than just actions, it could've made the story even more meaningful. GREAT JOB.

Nathan Cho: Hi Alice, I think your story is peculiarly, awkwardly interesting. As a reader, I was hooked up when you mentioned two separate ways of road. However, the process of determining one of the two roads was too boring. I thought it could have been better if you smoothly went back to the reality (past experience of the main character) like the literatures that we red in class together. Also, in this sentence "She has never taken a rough, undecided path in her life and that was what she was going to do right now as well", I think it would make sense if you get rid of the "as well". Also, try to express more emotion of the main character. The feelings of the main character will help readers to engage in the story. Great Job!