Seung+Woo+Eun+stream+of+consciousness

=A Delight of Joy in Pain =

 As he walks into the showers, he is done with the pain and agony for the day. Even though he endures pain everyday, he cannot alleviate the stress. There is a dilemma throughout the whole practice. As he heads out, he thinks, “Shall I go fast or shall I let him pass?” Along with the physical agony, he deals with mental stress, “I feel like giving up.” Everyday, the same thought is processed in his mind before entering the pool of water. He wants to quit yet he stays on the team. It is the slight delight that he gets that keeps him in the game. Finally, after all the pain and agony, he senses a delight of joy. As he stroll to the touch pad and looks around him, he gives a small grin in his face, “I have done it!” It is not much long after his delight of joy that he goes through the same dilemma. He is tired and stressed out, but in the end he stays in the team. At the end of the day, he regrets starting this from the beginning. Yet, he cannot stop because he knows that he is one of the best in the game.

=Rachel Choi = = = Positive: This paragraph is astoundingI liked how you used stream of consciousness in your writing. I believe this is your personal experience? :) I can actually feel your emotions throughout the paragraph. Also, I like how you used some quotes in the paragraph to make the paragraph even more professional. Good job! Negative: You used same phrase in your paragraph like "pain and agony." If you used better words, the paragraph would have been more nice. In addition, explain your emotions in more detail!

Boram Lee I can see your passion in swimming! You understand how to use stream of consciousness in your writing and to try to challenge yourself by using dialogues. This writing shows your hardship and agony and makes readers to feel. I think you can improve your writing by using more variety of words. Enjoy your practice!!!